my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize