he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
