I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My bed smells like the plague
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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