my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
