The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
