We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize