I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
