Welp...herpes.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
