What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
