ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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