I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
