i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
