At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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