Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
