When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
