she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
