capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
