Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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