Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
