Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize