If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
