This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
