The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
