She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i may or may not be watching the land before time
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
