Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My liver just broke up with me...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
