i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
