I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So. Much. Porn.
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