and you said cock pushups were impossible
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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