did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
