I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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