the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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