we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Come see our sink grown plant.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
