Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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