Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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