Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
