I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
