Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
