oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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