just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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