I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Just cropdusted the office
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize