At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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