my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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