His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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