Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
