I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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