wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
