She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
