yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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