Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
