I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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