I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
