I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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