i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
