Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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