In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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