You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
