yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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