We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
