He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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