i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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