She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
