I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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