you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
