I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
