You don't have asthma, your pregnant
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
