I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
