There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
