awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
